This is general information only. Every family situation is different. Please seek professional legal, psychological or medical advice before making decisions based on anything you read here.
Something Feels Off, But You Cannot Quite Name It
You know co-parenting is supposed to be hard. Everyone says that. But what you are experiencing feels different. It is not just disagreements about bedtime or pick-up schedules. It is a pattern. And it is wearing you down.
You might not be ready to call your co-parent a narcissist. You might not even be sure what that means in practical terms. But something in the way they behave keeps leaving you confused, drained and questioning yourself.
Understanding what narcissistic traits look like in a co-parenting dynamic can help you start to recognise the patterns — and protect yourself and your children. If you are already past this stage and need practical help, read our guide on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Common Signs to Watch For
Everything Revolves Around Them
Conversations about the children somehow always circle back to their needs, their schedule, their feelings. Your perspective is dismissed or ignored. Decisions are made unilaterally, and when you push back, you are painted as the difficult one.
You Feel Like You Are Walking on Eggshells
You rehearse messages before sending them. You agonise over wording. You avoid raising issues because you know it will blow up. That constant hyper-vigilance is exhausting — and it is a sign that the dynamic is not healthy.
They Rewrite History
Events get retold differently. Agreements you clearly made are denied. Conversations are twisted until you are not sure what actually happened. This is sometimes called gaslighting, and it is deeply disorienting.
The Rules Only Apply to You
They expect flexibility from you but offer none in return. They break agreements without consequence but hold you to the letter of every plan. The double standard is constant and rarely acknowledged.
Your Children Are Being Used
They may subtly position themselves as the preferred parent. Children may come home repeating things that sound coached. They may be asked to report back on what happens in your home. This is one of the most harmful patterns — and something you can address through a carefully structured parenting plan.
You Are Always the Problem
No matter what you do, you are wrong. If you set a boundary, you are controlling. If you ask for something, you are demanding. If you express a feeling, you are overreacting. Over time, this erodes your confidence.
The Impact on You
If you have been dealing with this for months or years, you may not even realise how much it has affected you. Anxiety around communication, constant self-doubt, difficulty trusting your own judgement, and emotional exhaustion are all common responses to co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic traits.
You are not overreacting. You are responding normally to an abnormal situation.
The Impact on Your Children
Children are perceptive. Even when they do not say it, they pick up on tension, manipulation and the emotional toll it takes on you. Being caught between a narcissistic parent and a healthy one can create confusion, anxiety and loyalty conflicts.
The best thing you can do for your children is to provide a stable, calm and emotionally safe home on your side. That consistency — showing up, staying calm, holding boundaries — is more powerful than you think. You can also read our guide on how to help your child through divorce or separation for more practical support.
What You Can Do From Here
Recognising the signs is the first step. From here, you can start making changes that protect your wellbeing and your children.
A detailed parenting plan reduces the grey areas that narcissistic co-parents exploit. Written, factual communication limits opportunities for manipulation. And professional support — whether from a counsellor, a lawyer or a mediator in Perth — gives you a framework for dealing with the situation without carrying it all alone.
Mediation can be especially helpful when direct communication is difficult. It provides a neutral space where both parents are heard and the focus stays on the children.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with Lisanne Iriks to talk through your situation and see if mediation could help.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my co-parent is a narcissist?
Key signs include everything revolving around them, rewriting history (gaslighting), applying rules only to you, using children as emotional tools, and constantly framing you as the problem. See the full list of signs above.
What effect does a narcissistic co-parent have on children?
Children may experience confusion, loyalty conflicts and anxiety. Providing a stable, calm home on your side is one of the most protective things you can do.
What should I do if I think my co-parent is a narcissist?
Start with a detailed parenting plan, use written communication only, and seek support from a counsellor or mediator. Read our full guide on co-parenting with a narcissist for practical steps.