A lot of couples go to counselling when what they really need is mediation. Counselling is great for working through emotions, improving communication, unpacking the past and understanding each other better. But if the biggest issue is constant, unresolved disagreements about practical stuff money, parenting, division of responsibilities – mediation is often the better choice.
How Often Do Couples Get This Wrong?
Almost half of couples who go to therapy (47%) say their main struggles are about finances, parenting, or decision-making – issues that mediation is designed to handle (Relationships Australia, 2023 source). Interestingly, women are far more likely to initiate counselling than men, with 46% of women stating they made the decision to seek counselling, compared to just 28% of men (Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2022 source).
Counselling outcomes also vary:
- Before counselling, 70% of men and 73% of women were still together, while 29% of men and 27% of women had already separated.
- After counselling, 81% of men and 78% of women who started together remained together, but 19% of men and 22% of women separated despite therapy.
- Among those who were already separated when they started counselling, 11% of men and 30% of women reconciled, while 89% of men and 70% of women remained apart.
- Overall, counselling was more successful for women in terms of reconciliation, but 60% of men and 65% of women remained in their relationships after therapy, while 35% of women and 30% of men remained apart (AIFS, 2022 source).
Despite this, 30% of couples in counselling end up separating, sometimes because they needed structured conflict resolution rather than emotional deep dives (AIFS, 2022).
60% of couples who start mediation say they wish they had done it sooner, rather than spending months in therapy (Family Relationship Services Australia, 2023). Therapy is very useful. I am not trying to say that mediation is better than counselling. It is just a different service and it is important that you use the right service for the right problems you are trying to solve.
When Counselling is the Better Choice
Mediation is great for solving problems. But sometimes, the problem isn’t just the argument – it’s how the couple interacts, how they handle conflict, or the emotional baggage behind it. Counselling is the best place if you want to dive into the past and unpack what has happened. It’s usually the better option when:
✔️ The relationship feels emotionally disconnected, not just logistically frustrating.
✔️ Trust has been broken (infidelity, dishonesty, emotional neglect).
✔️ One or both people don’t feel heard, valued, or respected in the relationship.
✔️ Arguments aren’t about one issue, but everything seems to turn into a fight.
Counselling helps couples understand why they’re stuck in certain patterns. Mediation, on the other hand, gets things sorted so they can move forward.
When Mediation Works Better
- If you find yourselves having the same arguments over and over about practical things, mediation is often the way to go. It’s designed to help couples:
Make clear financial agreements – budgeting, bills, savings, big purchases. - Figure out parenting responsibilities – discipline, school choices, time with kids.
- Get on the same page with household roles – who does what, so resentment doesn’t build up.
- Work out business or property disputes – especially for couples who run businesses together.
- Figure out how, when and what about you want to communicate. Talk about boundaries and helpful ways to communicate.
The Key Difference
Counselling tends to look back – what went wrong, why conflicts keep happening, how childhood experiences or past relationships might be influencing things. Mediation looks forward – what’s the issue, what are the options, and how can you both walk away with a workable agreement so you can have less stress. Less conflict and start building trust again?
Neither is “better” overall, but picking the wrong one can waste a lot of time and energy. If it feels like you’re stuck in the same fight, over the same issues, with no resolution, mediation can cut through the emotional noise and get real solutions on the table.
What should you choose?
Before booking a counselling session, ask yourself: Do we need to understand each other better, or do we need to sort out a problem and move on? If it’s the first one, counselling is probably the way to go. If it’s the second, mediation might be the thing that finally stops the cycle of arguments. It can also be great to do both counselling and mediation at the same time. Separation is very difficult and the more support you can get the better it is. It can work perfectly alongside each other so you get all your needs met.
Meet the Experts Who Can Help
Lisanne at Life Mediation is one of Australia’s top mediators, with a background in counselling and a reputation for helping couples move forward. She’s been featured in major news outlets across Perth for a reason – because mediation works.
Need help figuring out if mediation is right for you? Get in touch with Lisanne at Life Mediation today.