By Lisanne Iriks, Life Mediation
Mediation can be an incredibly helpful way to work through parenting or property issues after separation. It gives people a chance to be heard, make decisions together, and avoid the stress and cost of going to court.
But there are situations where mediation may not be safe, appropriate, or possible.
If you’ve been asked to attend mediation and you’re unsure whether you want to or not here are some things to consider.
Is Mediation Mandatory?
In most parenting matters in Australia, the law requires that you attempt Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) before applying to court. This means you usually need a Section 60I certificate from an accredited mediator to show that you’ve tried to resolve things through mediation first.
If you refuse to attend mediation to talk about your children your ex will be able to ask the mediator for a certificate and go to court.
That does not mean that you have to say yes in any circumstance just because the other party could get a certificate. Always get legal advice from a family lawyer about your specific situation so you know what the best course of action is.
Here are some reasons that some people refuse to attend mediation
1. Family violence or safety concerns
If you or your child have experienced family violence, or you are worried for your safety during or after mediation you might not want to attend mediation. It is important to remember that you have an intake session with the mediator in private when you start the process and you can tell your story. The mediator might be able to run the process in a way that you do feel safe to negotiate with your ex. You could have a lawyer present or do a shuttle mediation for example where you do not have to talk to your ex directly. The mediator will be able to assess if mediation is suitable or not if you come to your intake session, but it is always your decision as you know your situation best.
2. Urgent situations
If there’s an urgent issue such as one parent threatening to move away with the child, refusing to return the child, or blocking access altogether, you may be able to go straight to court without waiting for mediation. You have to ask the court for an exemption and it is up to the court to decide if they feel your matter is urgent or not.
3. The other person is not willing or cannot participate
Mediation only works if both people are willing to participate in good faith. If the other person refuses to take part, or cannot be located, or is incapable of participating due to mental illness, substance abuse, or another serious reason, mediation may not proceed.
In these cases, a mediator can still issue a certificate to the person that started the mediation process to confirm that mediation was not suitable.
When in Doubt, Talk to a Mediator
You don’t have to make this decision alone. If you’re unsure whether mediation is appropriate or safe, a trained mediator can speak with you confidentially and help assess the situation. It is often worth it to not decline mediation all together but book an intake session with the mediator to discuss your specific situation and work out with the mediator if mediation is suitable or not.
At Life Mediation, we take your safety seriously. We always meet with each person separately before any joint session and we listen to your concerns.
Support Is Available
If you are in a situation involving violence, intimidation, or fear, please know that you are not alone. You can get help right away:
- 1800RESPECT (24/7 national helpline): 1800 737 732
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Family Relationship Advice Line: 1800 050 321
- Speak to a GP, counsellor, or support service in your area
Mediation works well for many families, but it’s not the right path for everyone. The key is knowing your rights, speaking to professionals, trusting your instincts, and seeking support when you need it.
You never have to agree to something that feels unsafe, rushed, or wrong for your situation.