By Lisanne Iriks, Life Mediation
Divorce can feel like a storm. Full of big emotions, tough decisions, and long to-do lists. And right in the middle of all that, you might hear someone say,
“Have you thought about mediation?”
But what does that actually mean? And who is the person helping you through it?
That person is called a mediator. And no, they’re not a judge, and they’re not there to take sides. A mediator is someone who helps you and your former partner work through important decisions so that you can move forward, not just legally, but emotionally too.
So, What Is a Mediator?
A mediator is a trained professional who helps separated couples have structured, respectful conversations. Especially around parenting, finances, and property.
The goal of mediation is simple.
To help both people reach agreements they can live with, without needing to go to court.
Mediators don’t make decisions for you. They don’t tell you what you should do. Instead, they create a calm space where you can:
- Talk about what matters
- Explore different options
- Find solutions that feel workable and practical
- Get things in writing so everyone knows what to expect and have accountability after the mediation session or make the document legally binding.
In some cases, especially when children are involved, a mediator can help create a parenting plan that outlines care arrangements, schedules, and communication guidelines.
What Makes Mediation Different?
A mediator is a neutral party there to support you both. .
A mediator is focussed on on helping you both to move forward and make agreements that works best for your family especially the kids.
Mediation is:
- Voluntary. You’re not forced to agree to anything
- Private. What’s said in mediation stays in mediation
- Faster and more affordable than going to court
- Child-focused. Especially when kids are involved, the process centres around their wellbeing
For many families, mediation is a gentler, more respectful way to separate. Especially when emotions are raw but cooperation is still possible.
What Does a Mediator Actually Do?
It depends a little on what stage you’re at, but most mediators will:
- Meet with each person separately to understand their needs and concerns
- Set ground rules for respectful communication
- Guide the conversation to stay on track
- Help clarify misunderstandings
- Keep things focused on solutions, not blame
- Draft a written agreement if you both reach common ground
At Life Mediation, we also offer child-inclusive mediation, where a trained child consultant talks with your child separately to help bring their voice gently into the room without putting pressure on them.
What If Things Feel Too Heated?
If the idea of sitting in the same room sounds overwhelming, that’s okay.
We often use shuttle mediation, where each person is in a separate space (or even online), and the mediator moves between you.
This takes the pressure off, especially when emotions are high or communication has broken down. It also gives people time to think, breathe, and respond calmly instead of reacting.
Why Mediation Can Be Faster, Cheaper, and Less Stressful
Here’s what a lot of people don’t realise.
Mediation can save you time, money, and emotional energy. A lot of it.
When you go to court, you’re usually looking at:
- Lawyer fees for every hour of preparation and appearance
- Delays while waiting for court dates
- Long, formal processes with paperwork, hearings, and back-and-forth
- A decision made by someone else, not you
Mediation, on the other hand, is:
- Quicker. Most agreements are reached within a few sessions
- More cost-effective. You share the cost of the mediator, and there are fewer steps involved
- Flexible. You can schedule sessions around your life, not court calendars
- Less emotionally draining. You stay in control of the pace, tone, and outcome
- Better for your long term relationship. Nobody gets a better relationship from going to court. In mediation you can reset the course of which you were going on to a more positive one.
It’s not just about saving money. It’s about protecting your energy, your time, and everyone’s sanity.